


Drinking the Nightmares Away

by orphan_account



Category: Jrock, MEJIBRAY, Visual Kei - Fandom, the GazettE
Genre: Alcohol, BDSM, Blood, Bloodplay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 02:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6266041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pain reminded ruki of something awful. Suddenly, the hand in his was slippery with blood. Sticky, hot, nauseating, bleeding, he was in pain too. And it was wonderful. That’s bad, ruki tried to convince himself and shake the thought away. He could forget it, he could spend the night with tsu without doing anything like that to him. He had it in his power, but what if that desire of his was mutual too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drinking the Nightmares Away

Ruki walked into the bar and found it crowded. It was a little annoying, he thought. Being such an introvert he had a hard time unwinding around others, except for his band mates and a few close friends. He kept his head down and maneuvered around the other patrons, making his way to the blue glow in the back of the room. He settled in between two chattering backs, managing to rest his elbows on the bar counter at last. He hadn’t really thought about what he wanted to order, and he stared at the blue lights, mesmerized, while he mulled it over.

‘Something to take the nightmares away’, is what he would have said, if he didn’t feel controlled by social pressure and some vague sense of good will to the bartender. Lately, he’d been having strange daydreams. Not so unusual, he presumed, but very new to him. Perhaps it was the stress of an approaching deadline that pushed him to wander, solitarily, calmly, down paths that would terrify those with any less world experience. Hell, they terrified him, but shock was balanced with intrigue and desire, forcing him again and again to relive these little horrors.

Ruki held his breath and imbibed the last drops of poison in his cup. Vodka was a simultaneous development, and he wasn’t sure what to be more scared of. If he stopped the alcohol, the scale would tip towards the disturbing daydreams, and he wasn’t sure how to stop those. He knew he needed to relax, first and foremost, but that’s easier said than done. The bodies and faces and voices were overwhelming, so he began to plan his trip home. 

Ruki spotted Tsuzuku a few seats down. He didn’t really care, except that he never saw Tsu out alone, because if given the choice, he’s one to stay indoors. The same went for Ruki, and he wouldn’t be out drinking if not for all the stress, so he already sympathized with Tsuzuku to some extent, whether they were really feeling the same thing or not. Ruki contemplated going to talk to him, but he was already overstimulated, and not drunk enough to have anything approaching extroverted confidence. Still, the more he stared, the more he recognized the somber look on tsuzuku’s face. Externally sedated, but fighting back against the demons in his mind. Or maybe dancing with them. His eyes glossy and deep, staring at the texture of the paint on the wall, his jaw relaxed and his hand uselessly coiled around the bottle on the counter.

For Ruki intrigue eventually replaced fear, maybe due in part to his rising sedation from the vodka. He still hasn’t closed his tab. Maybe he wouldn’t, he considered briefly as he made his way towards the man with long black hair hanging over one of his eyes. Open eyes, wide open yet unaware of Ruki’s approach from the side. Ruki wondered how to catch his attention without startling him. He decided it was reasonable to lean on the counter next to him. Tsuzuku noticed the presence of another man and blinked himself awake.

Not sure how to break the ice, Ruki said nothing, and simply started off by making eye contact. Neither of them smiled, but that felt fine. Neither of them were in the mood to smile, and they knew that it meant nothing hostile. “Hey.” Tsuzuku started. There was a lot on both of their minds, and in a few seconds of silence aside from the overwhelming chatter surrounding them, they both came to understand that. 

“What brings you here?” Ruki exhaled, cordially, not unaware of the contrast between what he said and their current attitudes. He just hoped Tsuzuku would recieve it with a little irony, as he intended it to be. Not that it was entirely against what he meant, since he was in fact curious.

Tsuzuku played along, monotonously, “oh you know just came out to have a little fun.” They both ended up giggling, not because of the joke, but maybe to celebrate being on the same page, or just because they felt like laughing. They had never hung out before outside of work, not that a coincidental encounter really counts as hanging out either, but they were both surprised at how comfortable they felt in that moment.

Ruki stole a glance at tsu’s body. He was wearing a black shirt and skinny jeans, and Ruki couldn’t tell if the shirt said something on the front. Attractive as always. Maybe it was good that they never had a moment alone before, because Ruki wasn’t confident he could have stayed out of trouble.

Ruki began to chatter about the bands, asking how mejibray’s newest album is coming along. Some small talk started to feel right, even though it was a little bit difficult with his mood. There was too much silence and he was starting to get uncomfortable. So they talked back and forth for an hour or two, and they both had another drink. After they had chattered for a while, when silence bloomed once more, ruki felt much more comfortable dwelling in it. Basking in the silence, not alone, but with Tsuzuku.

When he started to feel alone again, his thoughts drifting, Ruki’s mind slipped back into his comfortable, personal hell. What he saw, heard, felt… Ruki couldn’t deny that they were his fantasies. Fantasies crying out for satisfaction. With Tsuzuku next to him, it was only natural that the thoughts would grow involved with each other. Ruki’s blood stained imagination and the calm and thoughtful individual next to him. Ruki would never imagine causing harm to someone he liked, he thought. He tried to think. He held on to. It slipped away. Ruki, under the influence of alcohol, unashamedly gazed up and down Tsuzuku’s body. The alcohol was really more of an excuse to act on his impulses. He wanted to be noticed, and see what would happen. If things went badly, that was his escape. He had it all planned out, so why did he feel like he was stepping off of a ledge?

Tsuzuku noticed. He pretended not to notice, until it became clear that Ruki wanted him to notice. Tsuzuku looked at Ruki’s face, his relaxed posture leaning up against the counter, and his eyes trailed down his body. It was mutual, said their eye contact, and they both had enough sense left in them to feel self-conscious about ogling each other in public. Now that they made their intentions clear, they could leave the bar without words. They closed up their tabs and put a lid on the talking, since the thoughts running through both of their minds were too lewd to be shared in public.

They were riding in a cab towards Tsuzuku’s apartment in silence. There was nothing to say, but their thoughts and actions were far from silent. They didn’t take their eyes off one another the entire time. In their heads they felt each other’s lips, played with long locks of hair, undressed soft thighs, and fucked each other until they were exhausted. Ruki reached for tsuzuku’s hand, and felt his tight grip in return. Ruki imagined the smell from the last cigarette Tsuzuku smoked in this hand as his rings, almost indistinguishable from his bony fingers, pressed into his palm.

The pain reminded ruki of something awful. Suddenly, the hand in his was slippery with blood. Sticky, hot, nauseating, bleeding, he was in pain too. And it was wonderful. That’s bad, ruki tried to convince himself and shake the thought away. He could forget it, he could spend the night with tsu without doing anything like that to him. He had it in his power, but what if that desire of his was mutual too? 

He decided he wouldn’t let the night end before he figured that out. But how could he communicate the desire? Did he want to give or to recieve pain? Anything, everything, he thought. Pain, blood, beauty, ecstasy, the thoughts all swirled around in Ruki’s imagination as he watched the bulge in Tsuzuku’s pants grow. Ruki shifted his sight to Tsuzuku’s face, which reflected the itermittent glow of street lights. His cheekbones were prominent, and his lips looked so soft with his mouth gently parted. Ruki filled with desire, and impulsively pinched tsu’s hand. Ruki wondered if it would ruin their night, and tsu would back out, calling him a pervert, sending him home alone. Honestly, to Ruki, it didn’t matter. He already decided he would fulfill his desires with tsu entirely or not at all. Whatever that meant, wherever the night would go, it was headed there at the speed of the taxi cab.

Tsuzuku flinched, and in the dim light Ruki almost couldn’t tell how to interpret the response. Once the next glow brushed over Tsuzuku’s features Ruki saw a subtle smile on his face. Ruki had to resist the urge to start abusing him then and there. Ruki’s wildest fantasies, would they all come true? His pants tightened and he couldn’t wait for the taxi to arrive. He nearly forgot public decency, and had he been any more drunk he might have ended the night as a criminal.

The taxi finally arrived, and Tsuzuku tipped the driver. He didn’t see anybody else around, so Tsu put his arm around Ruki. It would have been enough in itself, but when Tsuzuku’s hand brushed over Ruki’s shoulder he made sure to give it a painful squeeze. It wasn’t a lack of courtesy, it was full of intention, and it was returned with a soft moan from Ruki. How they had silently consented to their mutual desires in a cab ride home after being basically strangers seems like a miracle. Their synchrony didn’t end there.

When they got into the apartment, Tsuzuku barely wasted time turning on the lights. He led Ruki, almost dragging him, to the bedroom. They didn’t waste time on a strip tease. Had their clothes been free, they wouldn’t have even bothered to keep them in tact. After they flung their shirts off, ruki shoved Tsuzuku onto the bed forcefully. Tsuzuku hit his heel on the bed frame on the way down, but despite his pained expression this was no time for apology.  
Ruki began to wonder how far he could go. He decided to settle for saying “you can tell me to stop”, since it got the point across that he cared about consent, but it flowed better than a long explanation with the consensually bitter atmosphere.

“You too, just don’t ruin my face for the photoshoot.” Tsuzuku responded, grabbing Ruki’s hand and pulling him onto the bed next to him. They kissed, at first drowned in the softness of each other’s lips, but then Ruki became hungry. As Tsuzuku’s split tongue danced around in his mouth, Ruki decided not to let it escape easily. Ruki bit down on Tsuzuku’s tongue with one of his canine teeth, and didn’t let go until he could taste his blood. Tsuzuku gasped, and tears began to well in his eyes. Ruki was surprised by the next sensation he felt in the dim light. Tsuzuku’s tongue trailed along his cheek, from his chin up to his eye. The wetness left behind and the smell that hit Ruki’s nose indicated that he left a trail of blood. 

“Oh god” Ruki moaned, and he licked the blood off the side of his mouth. Tsuzuku’s blood. Blood. His fantasies welled up once more. Ruki shifted and placed his mouth over Tsuzuku’s nipple. He opened his mouth and clamped his teeth around the flesh. Tsuzuku’s hands rushed to Ruki’s shoulders, like he would push the man away, but instead he fought his instincts and squeezed him tight. 

He couldn’t help writhing under the pain, but at the same time moans escaped him. Painful moans. Sexual moans. Soft, slow, breathy moans. “More…. Harder….” Tsuzuku breathed, his voice wavering like he would cry. Ruki released his teeth and inspected the damage. Bruised, but not bloody. No good. Ruki looked around the room. Could he ask where a knife was? He should go through proper sterilization measures and have a first aid kit on hand. He didn’t want to stop, but he already paused, and Tsuzuku caught the drift.

A few minutes later, Tsuzuku returned with several items in hand. Some first aid items, which he set on a desk at the opposite end of the room, and… A knife. Consent was being handed to Ruki to fulfill his fantasies, and he briefly doubted if it was a dream. No, this was real, which means sometimes dreams do come true. Even if they’re soaked in blood.

Ruki watched Tsuzuku sanitize the knife and walk over to him with it in hand. Had they both not had reputations to protect, he would be scared for his life. In fact, Ruki thought if it was anyone else he would be uncomfortable. But something about it being Tsuzuku made him feel at peace. Ruki gently reached out for Tsu to give him the knife, but Tsuzuku refused with his eyes, and held the knife up to Ruki’s throat, gesturing for him to lay back down. Ruki obeyed and smiled, it was his turn to feel pain. His arousal showed, and Tsuzuku began to unbutton Ruki’s pants. Tsuzuku freed him from his jeans and then, slowly, his underwear. With the knife in his hand he looked like a killer about to torture his victim. Ruki watched silently, submissively, to see what Tsuzuku would do next. 

Ruki felt the thin blade trail along his belly down to his thigh, not breaking the skin, but pressing hard enough that he could feel it. The blade danced around his body, not being shy to trail across the sensitive parts, and Tsuzuku looked like he was deciding how to filet his dinner. Finally, with an intense gaze, Tsuzuku released Ruki’s blood onto the mattress. His first cut horizontal, short and directly on Ruki’s hip bone.

Ruki inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly, shocked and aroused. “Sit still.” Tsuzuku demanded, like an artist ordering his canvas around. Tsuzuku placed his left hand firmly on Ruki’s hip and went in for the next cut. It was awfully close to the last one, but pleasure and pain started to mix together for Ruki. Another one. The sound of tearing skin. Moans. Were they escaping from his mouth? The burning sensation. Diagonal. Curve. Straight. Then Tsuzuku moved to Ruki’s crotch.

It seemed like Tsuzuku was avoiding scars above the waist, so he could still go shirtless. Ruki decided to do the same for Tsuzuku. Tsuzuku always hides his legs so that works perfectly. The next feeling caught him off guard, Tsuzuku began stroking Ruki’s cock gently. It wasn’t that he forgot they were having sex, but Ruki was excited so much by the pain that he didn’t feel the need for usual satisfaction. Only gentle sex wasn’t what Tsuzuku had in mind. Once Ruki was hard, Tsuzuku trailed the knife from the base of Ruki’s erection to the tip. It was light like when Tsuzuku first started using the knife, but now he began to trail the same spots over and over again so they started to burn.

Ruki gasped and moaned, trying not to recoil because he feared one wrong movement could end with him in the hospital. Tsuzuku watched the blood begin to pour out. He watched with fascination as the spots where only a small drop formed turned into streams since the blood flow of Ruki’s erection exaggerated the wounds. Tsuzuku returned to stroking Ruki’s cock, using the blood as lube. He pumped it faster and harder, blood mixing with precum and turning his hand into a sticky mess.

Ruki grabbed Tsuzuku’s hand suddenly. “My turn,” Ruki panted, smiling, “lay the fuck down.” Tsuzuku grinned and obeyed, dropping the knife next to Ruki and crawling into a submissive postion, laying on his back with his tattooed arms stretched out and his legs, pants still on, in a relaxed position below him. His pants. “Do you like these pants a lot?” Ruki purred, grazing them with the knife.

“Rip them to shreds.” Tsuzuku straightened his legs, making them available to Ruki. Ruki didn’t hesitate, didn’t think, as he made the blood pour. First he made a vertical incision down Tsuzuku’s thigh. For the first half of it, he thought he pushed too hard, but it was resistance from the jeans that gave him a chance to be more forceful. He liked how this was going to feel. Two cuts. Three. Tsuzuku writhed in front of him, his beautiful face simultaneously crying and smiling. Four, five six. Tsuzuku’s breath sped up as adrenaline pumped through his veins. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Each cut disappeared as the gap in the black jeans filled with Tsuzuku’s smeared blood. Thirteen. Twenty five.

Ruki’s hunger only grew. Tsuzuku’s pants were very much in tact at the top and bottom, so Ruki decided to fix that. Ruki split open the fabric and Tsuzuku’s skin in several places so as to effectively remove the cover. Now Tsuzuku was naked before him, and Ruki’s heart welled with satisfaction as he gazed upon this beautiful creature. Cut up, bruised, blood dripping down his chin from his wounded tongue, hand smeared with Ruki’s own blood from his wounds which already began to clot. Ruki took a mental picture, as the sight filled him with contentedness. He really got to do this…

Ruki set down the knife and began to stroke Tsuzuku’s dick. It twitched and swelled, and Tsuzuku moaned as pleasure mixed with pain, pushing him to the edge. Tsuzuku watched, mesmerized, as the bloody hands moved aside for Ruki’s mouth, and Ruki’s head bobbed up and down, lips tightening and preventing his teeth from grazing Tsuzuku harshly. “Bite me.” Tsuzuku demanded. More pain? Ruki thought he had enough, but to his satisfaction, after sinking in his teeth Ruki elicited a response, and Tsuzuku came into Ruki’s mouth.

Ruki swallowed and laid down next to Tsu, exhausted. Tsuzuku looked at Ruki up and down, then got up gracefully and began to tend to their wounds. Tsuzuku helped Ruki up and into his bathroom, where they both had their first clear look at themselves. Ruki noticed something odd about the pattern of cuts on his hip. Although it was mirrored, Ruki figured out that Tsuzuku had carved the kanji for death and dying. Ruki looked at Tsuzuku, about to make a joking remark about how gaudy it is, but he noticed something beautiful in his gaze. The way that Tsuzuku looked at Ruki’s wounds was like the way a parent looks at their newborn child. So instead, careful not to irritate any wounds, Ruki placed his head on Tsuzuku’s shoulder, and Tsuzuku wrapped his arms around Ruki in a comfortable embrace. Ruki felt very content, and soon they wandered to the bed and fell asleep. Ruki never slept better in his life.


End file.
